On August 22, I wrote a post here – ‘A Ray of Sunshine’ — It was about how things were not going well on my side. I was trying to find some ray of sunshine in people close to me. It has been two months since then and the rays of sunshine have only been dimming at my end, with every passing day.
Things have only gone downhill. This is not a recent happening. It has been a few years now. I could see the catastrophe knocking at my door for a long time now, but like an ostrich, I kept my neck buried in the sand, hoping for things to get better one fine day. With a wide smile, I kept fighting with circumstances, till I could do it no more.
Some day, I will definitely write about it. But right now, I have no strength. I need that strength to gather my life again.
The worst part is that I can’t cry. A mother with two school-going daughters can’t cry. She has to wear a smile daily so that her kids don’t turn into a mess for no fault of theirs. A doctor has to see patients every day, treat them and assure them that they will be healed. She can’t let her mood affect her work. A counselor who talks to teenagers about how to keep up hope in every situation can’t allow her personal chaos to spill on to them.
So, it kept piling on, inside me.
I am absent on social media these days. I am not active anywhere, anymore. I’m not posting anything or replying to anyone because I didn’t want to spread despair or sadness.
So, yes, I am living through my routine every day with a smile on my face.
But the truth is that my entire world has collapsed. I have turned to ashes with no hopes of resurrection.
At this moment, I have a firm belief in only 2 things – God and His faith in Me, when he gave me these problems. He must have been confident that I will sail through them and when I look back, in hindsight, I can clearly see that HE had been preparing me for this day for so many years.
He made me stronger every day so that I don’t crumble. So that I can regain the strength and make use of it when I need it the most.
It’s time for me to reinvent and rediscover myself and make a fresh start to build my life again, piece by piece.
I Am Taking A Short Break Till Then!
Love you all,
P.S. 1. APOLOGIES for being silent to messages – I Am Sorry… I haven’t replied to any emails, messages, Instagram DMs, Twitter DMs, Wattpad messages or any comments on posts. If you sent a message to me, thank you! I’ve read them all but I didn’t reply to them. I couldn’t… I had nothing to say.
2. I have survived all good and bad times through writing. And I’ve always said that it had to be something really big to keep me away from writing. Somewhere, at the back of my mind, I knew that this day would come. I wish it didn’t. But things don’t go as per our wishes.
3. I hope I am away for a short time only.
I KNOW that writing will find me back. I just hope you don’t forget me, till then.
4. Need Prayers.